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Divorce Doesn't Mean Change |
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Most people with children think they're "ending things" when they get divorced. In many cases, all they're doing is continuing to act out the unconscious dynamics that didn't work in marriage. When divorce comes, they invest renewed energy in the same old unconscious struggles. The only "change" is that they're doing it in the new arena of the divorcing process, and then again in the new arena of the new post-divorce configuration of their (fundamentally unchanged) relationship. Same destructive unconscious patterns and struggles. New setting.
On the other hand, some people use divorce or the possibility of divorce as an opportunity to learn about themselves, re-think all of their previously unchallenged assumptions, and make real changes. This is an easy thing to say, and a very difficult thing to do. As Tomas Szasz said, "Clear thinking requires courage rather than intelligence." A really useful professional will create the opportunity for this kind of real personal change in the divorce process, which includes the threshold decision of whether to divorce or not. © 2007 S. Wolhandler All Rights Reserved |
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